Hi Ben, I definitely feel your frustration here. Sometimes the more I work at something, the worse it seems to get, until I walk away from it and come back with a fresh perspective. Even then, sometimes I just need to start over from scratch, even though that can be a bummer.
Here are my thoughts. I’m not sure your reasons for using this particular picture, but it doesn’t seem to me to be the best picture to put words on top of. I usually use pictures that have a large “blank” area, such as sky, foliage, mountains, grass, etc. Make sure that the picture is high quality and that the blank part is not boring, it’s just not the subject of the picture. For example, check out the picture James used as a header for Lenspiration – the girl with the camera is the focus, but there are mountains and sky in which you could place text. I also like to look through calendars and see how they put text/Scripture/quotes onto pictures. Having a workable photo to put text on is definitely the first step to success. Then, think about font, sizing, color, and arrangement of the words.
Good job for always striving for a clean and professional look! That is not always easy, but don’t give up!